I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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