he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
