Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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