One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
