If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We need to get me chipped asap
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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