this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
