1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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