His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
