yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
