You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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