I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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