I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
