it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
