When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
