We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
