You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
