Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
