somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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