my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
