He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
