yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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