Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
