WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
