Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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