If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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