I wish I could teleport
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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