So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
