fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
