i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She announced her abortion via fbk
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
