Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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