I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
