i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
