Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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