glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
