Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
