Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Acid is not a monday night drug
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
