found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
