yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
