in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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