i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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