one two three fourrrrnication!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Vodka?
Forever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
