i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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