Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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