The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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