i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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