I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
