I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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