mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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