dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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