one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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