a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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