The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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