He is an equal opportunity slut.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
