Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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