Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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